Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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