i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
