some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
