Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just had sex bonerless
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
