i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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