I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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