Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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