after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
