Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
