Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sarcasm needs its own font
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Houston, we have a squirter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
