i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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