Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
