You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
