WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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