No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
