i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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