Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
