the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize