I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
