There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
