I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
