I need help removing her.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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