You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
