ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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