i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
