he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
