Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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