I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
vagina is talking i cant
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
