I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
