guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
