im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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