Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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