where does the pee come out of this thing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
