so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize