I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
