why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
