Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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