i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize