I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
