just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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