My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i've created a new STD.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
