she smelled like a LAN party
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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