dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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