If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
