You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
