My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
