You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
a search helicopter?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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