You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
