Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
