is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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