totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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