Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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