I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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