Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
