I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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