tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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