just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
