I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I met the friendliest cop last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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