Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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