I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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