I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
