I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
