Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
