did you get engaged???
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
