she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
