I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
