Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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