Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
