then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
