recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
not ubering you a puppy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
try to milk me bitch
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