What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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