my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
