i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
