I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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