the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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