I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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