Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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