drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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