I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize