btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
