I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
