I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize