i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
