Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
