dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
