pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
