wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
