They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
