Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
