If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
