She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize