That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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