considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
