It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
