It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
