I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
