New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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