Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A+ Viking dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
