Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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