why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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